Ok, so if you haven’t already figured out that I love to have a laugh at my own expense and have a bit of a habit of experiencing sensational blonde moments, you are about to be introduced to the Haidee my friends know and love.
PEPPA PIG IS A BOY …
According to me anyway! To be fair I never actually WATCHED Peppa Pig, it was always just background noise and I truly thought Peppa Pig was a male pig. I mean, Peppa? That sounded like a boys name and he sounded like a boy … here is the proof that this is not made up – the last comment you read leads me to my next point …
I THOUGHT THOMAS THE TANK ENGINE WAS AMERICAN …
Cos everything is American these days! I thought he was just part of the Disney franchise. Clearly I suck at accents! And apparently general knowledge as everyone I mention this too looks at me like ‘How can you not know that?! Everyone knows that!’. Hopefully this little tidbit does not lose me any of my English readers!
FOR ABOUT 20 MINUTES I THOUGHT A JACKALOPE WAS A REAL ANIMAL …
One of my friends was bantering around the idea of a Jackalope as a logo for a business idea and I had never heard of one so I Google imaged it (if it’s on Google then it must be real!). In my defence, I asked a workmate if he had heard of it first and we actually googled it together and we were both saying ‘Wow, I’ve never heard of this animal! How have we never heard of one of these?!’. Then the images started getting a little crazy and we were like ‘Hmm, hold on!’.
I ONCE ORDERED FOCACCIA BREAD AT A CAFE BY ASKING FOR ‘FELLATIO BREAD’ …
Yes, you read that right! You can read more extensively about that in my post Words Amuck. but to make it super simple for you, here is a cut and paste of that story as told in that post:
……………………………………………
When I was early 20’s I went to a restaurant for dinner with some girlfriends. It was a favourite haunt of ours and we knew the menu by heart, so when the waiter came over I knew exactly what to order as a starter without even looking at it:
“I’ll have some fellatio please”
The young (attractive) male waiter just stared at me so I repeated myself ‘Fellatio. You know!’.
Cue awkward silence.
Yep. While my friends laughed hysterically, the joke went straight over my head and then when it clicked I was mortified. I just asked a male waiter for fellatio. OMG. Focaccia. Focaccia bread please.
……………………………………………
Most embarrassing moment ever.
I ONCE PUT TONGS IN THE TOASTER …
You know how your parents always tell you ‘NEVER PUT A KNIFE IN THE TOASTER!’. Well, I took that a little too literally and thought that meant literally never put a knife in the toaster. So my toast got stuck and I stuck the metal tongs in the plugged in toaster to get the toast out. Cos it wasn’t a knife. This was last year. Ok, no no, just joking! I was 19 (that’s not that much better though is it?!).
NOTE TO PARENTS: Be literal. Spell it out. Reiterate. Do not, I repeat, do NOT expect your offspring to read between the lines. Ever.
‘Children, do not put anything metal in the toaster! Be a it a knife, fork, spoon or tongs’.
Spell it out people! (That’s right, I am reiterating. See what I did there?). I totally blame my mum for this one (only because she isn’t here to defend herself!). Thankfully I survived to tell the tale, must have been all those games of Operation as a kid! This came up in my 21st speeches too but the speaker accidentally said I stuck the thongs in the toaster so it kinda got really awkward at that point! Much like I feel about this post!
And I think I will leave this here as not to bury myself any further!
Ummm, I don’t know where to start.
I can probably (a teensy weensy bit) understand that you thought Peppa was a guy. Because of the whole husky voice thing, but that’s where it ends. The Thomas thing? You must be deaf, me thinks.
Felatio bread? Now I know you really aren’t paying attention.
Haidee. Thank you so much for this post. You truly are a funny girl (and not one that means to be). Big hugs for the future kid. You’re going to need it ;). xo
Kelly recently posted…I FREAK OUT AT FLYING
I would like to point out that I was only 19 or 20 when the felatio bread thing happened … Just for the record! And I’m not sure I’m deaf, just very unobservant! Haha.
Felatio bread?! ROFL!
Leanne @ Deep Fried Fruit recently posted…Day 2151 – Getting ready for spring
Not my finest hour!!! LOL
Oh Haidee, you’re a crack up! My mum ordered a loaf of focaccia at the bakery but called it fock-are-see-ah and that was funny enough, but fellatio!? 😀
Amy @ Handbagmafia recently posted…Gayby Baby Ban
Haha Amy! I can see why you laughed!
I think asking for fellatio in the café would have made the waiters day!! Hilarious!
Lydia C. Lee recently posted…Conversations with a Superhero
I’m sure it probably did Lydia! Made my friends day too! Haha.
FELLATIO! HAHAHA! That’s gold. That waiter will LIVE off that story for the rest of his life. You’ve done him a favour, really.
Emily recently posted…Too Busy Sleeping – Zanni Louise and Anna Pignataro (book review)
I’d love to know if he got as much mileage out of it as I have!
Sorry Haidee but you certainly excel at blonde moments. Loving the fellatio bread and Peppa – that is hilarious.
Kathy recently posted…Life happens for you
Thanks Kathy! I’m happy to excel at something even if it is just broadcasting my less than intelligent moments! 🙂
Haha! This gave me such a good chuckle! Tongs have to be much more safer than a knife right!! I can see where you are going with this! And Fellatio …pure gold. I gotta try that one just for effect one day!
Caroline Raj recently posted…Mamma Raj’s Top 6 Strollers #ReviewRoundUp
Go on, do it! The tongs did prove safer since I’m still here! Haha.
Oh the bread – too funny!
I bought Peppa gumboots for my little girl recently and actually bought the boys ones with George on them without noticing. They are kind of easy to mistake – especially when you’re not paying much attention as we grown-ups tend to.
Jody at Six Little Hearts recently posted…Tesoro Jewellery, Italy’s Little Treasures. A Fine Jewellery Giveaway #SLHFeaturedThursdays
Thank you Jody, totally easy to mistake! You have made me feel a little better now 😉
BAHAHAHAHAHA! I would’ve loved to have seen the look on that waiter’s face!!
And you’ve just insulted an entire country by crediting America with Thomas. Ringo Star does the voiceover – one of The Beatles! *shakes head*
Mumma McD recently posted…Ben and Holly – Reimagined
I know … my workmate was very quick to point that out when I enlightened him with my thought that it was American! Oops! Of course in hindsight it is easy to hear the English accent!
I know a lot of waiters who would love to be asked for fellatio? Hilarious 🙂
Aleney de Winter recently posted…Raffles chats with… St Ives Medieval Faire’s Sir Andrew McKinnon
Luckily this one slinked off quietly without any comeback to embarrass me further! LOL
I usually say one very dumb thing per year. Lots of little dumbs, but one big one. The one my husband likes to repeat the most is my gem: “Styrofoam can be very thick”.
Vanessa recently posted…Why I Don’t Like The Post Office
Hahahaha! What context was that said in?
BAhaha glad I’m not the only one x
Janet aka Middle Aged Mama recently posted…Playing with a Black Dress
Thank you Janet! Finally someone else admits to it 😉
Haha I love the Jackalope! Have you also been fooled by the dropbears? Wait… dropbears are real! Don’t worry, I have a tonne of blonde moments myself 🙂
lu @looking for mama me recently posted…Hospitals are not made for fun : How to entertain a baby in the ER
Dropbears? *Off to madly google* Yikes, wouldn’t want to come across them! They look like they would eat the Jackalopes and live with the Werewolves!
When I was very young someone told me toads (and frogs presumably) turned into stones during the day. I didn’t question this and was well into high school when I had a conversation with my bestie about it one day.
She couldn’t believe what I was telling her. Naturally I then realised how stupid it was and had no recollection of where the belief came from!
Deborah recently posted…Author interview with Claire Varley – The Bit in Between
Oh Deborah, that is gold! I love it! Thanks for sharing that with me, now I feel much better about life! Haha.
Haidee recently posted…I Have A Confession … My Blondest Moments Exposed
Oh you are hilarious!
How did you not know Peppa is a girl! Or that Thomas was English!
You crack me up 🙂
EssentiallyJess recently posted…Read the Paper with EssentiallyJess. (The one where I turn into my dad)
I was obviously not very observant Jess! Haha.
They actually have an American version of Thomas as well …there is no fat controller so you might be off the hook on that one….maybe. Although I slightly suspect you may have been watching the English one.
Yes, no. Unfortunately I cannot use that as an excuse because it was definitely the English version!
I know nothing of Peppa pig so can’t comment. Hubby and I were a ;little younger, headed to an Indian restaurant for a little culture and we both like this entree which was a range of meats on a stick with some vegetables. “Sounds yum” I said and hubby agreed. I ordered ” We would love some of these – sorry I can’t say the word” as I pointed to it on the menu. It was Shish Kabobs – seriously was idiots. #FYBF
Haha! I would so do that!
Oh Haidee thank you for sharing that. I may never be able to even think about focaccia again with a straight face….you have made my afternoon.
Angelique Jurd recently posted…Taking a new direction
You’re very welcome! Happy Friday! 🙂
Just what I needed on a Friday afternoon!! Gold!! Don’t forget that Ringo Starr was the Narrator in “Thomas” too!
Mandy, Barbie Bieber and Beyond recently posted…I’m Proud To Be Raising A Nerd, Plus a Comic Con Giveaway
Apparently he was! LOL. I am such a kids show amateur on the general knowledge of these shows!
I wouldn’t have had a clue whether Peppa Pig was a boy or a girl but I can be excused because my kids are all grown up now so I don’t ever have it on my TV. I did however know that Thomas The Tank Engine was English coz it’s been around long enough that my kids used to watch it and so I watched it too! 🙂
Min@WriteoftheMiddle recently posted…Taking Stock – August 2015
You are so lucky you don’t ever have it on your TV! It is a very irritating show which is perhaps why I never watched it properly to differentiate what sex the main pig was! Haha.
This has really made me laugh….. How can you think Peppa is a boy??? She wears a dress and she has a girl’s voice (really irritating one, I must say!)
#TheList
Well, it’s obvious NOW. Haha. It always is in hindsight!
Lol – I keep telling everyone that dinosaurs still exist but no one believes me #FridayFrolics
Mummy Fever recently posted…The seven stages of nappy changing
Well, crocodiles and alligators and some of those crazy reptilian lizards are pretty close to the mark!
Ha! This was hilarious! Fellatio nearly made me choke on my tea!
Wait… that sounds very wrong… #FridayFrolics
Hahahaha! Your comment nearly made me choke on my coffee!!
Haidee recently posted…The Weekly Sum Up
Ha ha!
When I was at school I had to do a presentation with my friend to my whole year group. I stood up and said “hello, as you all know I am Charlotte and this is Claire” Actually I’m Claire and my friend was Charlotte. Can you imagine how much ribbing I got for forgetting who I was! Thanks for linking up to #FridayFrolics
Claire at Life Love and Dirty Dishes recently posted…Friday Frolics Linky – 28th August
That’s ok, I can one up it (well my husband can!). On our wedding day he married himself! ‘I Hayden, take you Hayden’. Hahahaha! Totally broke the ice anyway!
Fellatio bread is amazing! Hilarious! #fridayfrolics
Silly Mummy recently posted…Undone, Everyone: The Ten Funniest Things The Toddler Said Last Week
Is it amazing is it? Have you tried it? 😉 Hehe. Thanks for popping by!
Haha, good list! We all have our dozy moments. Mine was being excited about moving to Spain because ‘I’d always wanted to visit Tuscany’ and muddling prostitute and protestant as a child.
#fridayfrolics
Mama, My Kid Doesn’t Poop Rainbows recently posted…6 Things My Baby Would Rather Do Than Nap
Oh dear! That’s funny though!
Haidee recently posted…The Weekly Sum Up
Haha bless you! My husband, who is British, sometimes struggles differentiating between US and UK voices but only because he doesn’t listen out for it so I get what you mean. The fellatio incident is priceless! Just brilliant! #TheList
Emma’s Mamma recently posted…Once upon a time – review
Yeah, if I’d been paying attention I totally would have got it! I mean, I have no problem differentiating between accents unless it is between Canadians and Americans! And I bet I’m not the only one! Add cartoon voices in though and then it gets a little more confusing (especially when you are not actually watching it!)
You suddenly make me feel better about the time I went to the supermarket in my pyjamas. great read. xx
By accident? That happens over here on purpose! Haha.
My husband ALWAYS gets his toast out using a knife. I caught him at it the other day and I went absolutely ballistic! I made him promise to never do it again. He claimed that he “always does it” but I told he only has to get it wrong once! Tongs are equally bad (though it’s funny how literal you were!)
If it makes you feel any better, when I was 19 I was in LA and a guy approached me and offered me coke. I didn’t realise he was a drug dealer and asked if he had diet! I thought he was a street vendor!
#FridayFrolics
OMG, that is frickin’ hilarious! Diet?! Ok, you have to tell me what they said in reply?!! Hahaha!
I can kinda understand why you thought Peppa was a boy but Thomas being American. Even I didn’t get that! 🙂
Yeah … me neither (now)! LOL
Fellatio bread, that’s so funny! I’ll never be able to order focaccia with a straight face again!
Ingrid @ Fabulous and Fun Life recently posted…Ageless Beauty – The Parcel – Beauty Subscription Box Review
Hehe, I haven’t ordered it since!
Oh Haidee. Thank you for the morning giggles. I’ve had many a blonde moment in my time but none can top your bread story! Gold! Xx
shannon @my2morrows recently posted…The Ultimate Rabbit Hole #33
You’re welcome! 😉
I think I peed a little… laughing so hard at the tongs…and then THONGS in the toaster. I will sadly admit that I would do the exact same thing. My mother knew how awkward I was in my thought process though and told me to never put anything in the toaster except bread. (I’m not sure if that says more about HER or about ME. LOL)
GeekBabe recently posted…Awe-tism: Redefining “Normal”
Now THAT is clear to the fullest extent! Haha.
Haidee recently posted…The Weekly Sum Up
Hahahah! These are hilarious! I haven’t got anything similar off the top of my head, but a girl I work with once told a customer that she’ll just grab the gynecologist for her now, .. she meant horticulturist.
Tegan xx – Permanent Procrastination
Btw I’ve made an anonymous survey that I would love for you to have a look at! It aims to gather data on rates for sponsored posts, so that new bloggers can be better informed. 🙂
Tegan Seymour recently posted…Surveys & Competitions
Oops! Bet that was awkward!
I love it! These are classic.
I love how you can laugh at yourself and are happy to share it with others too.
Keep up the great work xx
lydia ritchie recently posted…This Is Me ~ The Face Behind Always Made With Love
Totally, makes the embarrassment worthwhile when it makes other people laugh too! 🙂
Good on you for sharing your blonde moments! We all have them. I’ve got some doosies too let me tell you. Thanks for the giggle! 🙂
Would love you to share one with me and make me feel better? 😉
Haha! This has made me laugh so much. I think we might have much in common. I could write a list like this too but maybe not so well. It’s lovely to ‘virtually’ meet you xx #TheList
Haha! this is awesome.
I can relate to your blonde moments,
I have plenty! 🙂 #TheList
Jayne @ Sticky Mud and Belly Laughs recently posted…The happy bits list – A weekly log #3
Fellatio bread! LOL! Did you ask for it to be toasted? 😛
Grace recently posted…Dropping the Default
Okay I’m with you on Peppa Pig. I got the shock of my life when I found out last year (long after my kids stopped watching) that he’s in fact a she. But you break my heart over Thomas. A British institution…for er my generation lol.
And the foccacia…no words!
#FridayFrolics
Not me but my hubby thought Peppa was a boy too. #sharewithme
Janine Dolan recently posted…Chloe is 7 months old
Cannot. Stop. Laughing.
I instagrammed a pic of Elmo yesterday and captioned it something like, ‘I’ve warned Grover about hiding in the laundry basket’ and got promptly told to go back to bed. Grover, Elmo – they look the same right!?
You take the cake with the fellatio bread, oh girlfriend… that is too much. 🙂
Rachel @ The Mama Files recently posted…SP: 8 must-haves for your new mum kit
This is BRILLIANT! I have just been giggling my whole way though!!
Claire Ridewood recently posted…Making my house a beautiful home: Tiny Bathroom Makeover
I have a drink on my hand while reading this which burst out of my mouth when I read about fellatio bread =P
#sharewithme
Merlinda Little recently posted…Alpha and Omega
Firstly well done on being Brace and honest. Secondly.your funny and this post cracked me up. Thirdly thank you for making me feel not the only.one who has ‘ moments’ as I am pretty Dame epic at it 😉
You are not alone I have never seen Peppa and at first thought it was a boy too. But the rest had me laughing. Thank you ever so much for linking up to Share With Me. I hope to see you again soon. I apologize for my late commenting, just catching up on a hectic week. I appreciate all the blog support. Look forward to reading more of your SWM link ups. #sharewithme
Jenny recently posted…Wednesday’s Blog Birthday Giveaway: Oxo Good Grips
YES! Someone else thought she was a boy! 🙂