The 12 Year Anniversary – A Time For Change

It was 12 years ago on the Saturday just been that my mum passed away.

Mum and I
Mum and I 3.5 months before she died.

Every year is one year closer to the age that she was when she died. Mortality is a funny thing, I fear death and yet I still struggle to implement the steps I should be to make sure I stay as healthy as I can to prevent (or in an attempt to prevent) a repeat of the breast cancer cycle sneaking in and making me another victim.

Some people have an easier relationship with the idea of death than I do and yet, the fear isn’t enough. I lose myself in the mayhem of life with two young children and a full time job. I struggle to fit it all in, the healthy eating, the exercise. I lack motivation from just simply having too much going on (blogging was certainly not an easy addition and really has quite the opposite effect on rectifying this!) but I realise that I need to get my priorities in order and start being more organised.

In many ways I am good at being organised – when it comes to work, packing the boys nappy bag in preparation for going to their Nana’s each morning, following a routine. But in others I completely and utterly drop the ball.



I am the worst dinner planner out and end up scrounging for ‘easy’ meals at least three times a week after forgetting to get anything out of the freezer.


I hate it until I am actually doing it and then it isn’t all that bad (given I leave the kids at home, if I take them with me then it usually is that bad), but not doing it frequently enough or putting it off means fresh produce is sorely lacking much of the time. For my husband and I anyway, I make the boys dinners in advance and that is usually more veges per meal time than I have in an entire week!


Again, I suck and often find myself desperately making Anzac biscuits or Pikelets late at night as C’s kindy has a no peanuts and ‘nothing containing traces of peanuts’ policy which counts out pretty much 99% of processed foods so I need to bake/cook his lunches.


Finding the time and prioritising it into my schedule.


Of course, all of these things are actually mega important to ensure I actually have energy to achieve all that I need to do! Who can be motivated when they’re flat and tired? I need to change this because it’s a vicious cycle.

On the other hand:

And yet, I know this but haven’t fixed it. Why? Why is it so hard to kick ourselves up the ass and into action. I have so many excuses but really I just struggle to break out of the tired/lazy phase (and winter certainly contributes to that). Cold rainy windy weather does not inspire me to exercise (excuses, excuses!). But as another year passes, the uneasy feeling of creeping ever closer to when my mum was diagnosed with cancer lurks in the recesses of my mind. And after having an op for suspected Endometriosis and having that confirmed, I need to start looking after my health better.

Time to break the cycle.

Here’s what I am going to do:

  • Stop at the supermarket for fruit and veg in the morning on a Monday (preparation for the work week) and more frequently for home shopping.
  • Start walking every morning to work instead of being dropped at the door (20-40 minutes dependant on weather). Rain, hail or shine! Ok, maybe not hail or storms … but drizzle I can do … I’m not a saint!
  • Take a supplement (maybe unpopular but I’m a sucker for how they at least fool me into thinking I am feeling more energised!)
  • A meal plan – I need a meal planner! I need to make one. Maybe I’ll make it into a free printable to share – that might motivate me!
  • Earlier bedtime – I muck around too much at night and never end up in bed till at least 10pm and I’m up at 5am so this is important because clearly there is a huge connection between being exhausted and unmotivated.
  • Clear the shit out of my house. I did the biggest declutter last year but the stuff just creeps back in again till I’m back to square one. And my house is teeny. Tiny. Teeny.

What do you do when you feel your life start to spiral out of control?

Linking up with #IBOT @ Essentially Jess

Mums' Days

38 thoughts on “The 12 Year Anniversary – A Time For Change

  1. That is such a beautiful photo of you and your mum. She looks so well and happy. I can’be believe you lost her so soon after this picture.
    I can’t imagine losing my mum. Particularly so young …
    I cant imagine it gets any easier.

    As for your question – I am feeling life spiraling out of control right now to be honest. It’s a combination of lack of fitness, too much stress, too many big scary things to think about and being completely disorganised. Today I tackle my desk. Once that’s in order and I can see what needs to be done I think my brain will be clearer.

    Hugs to you. x o x o
    Leanne @ Deep Fried Fruit recently posted…Page 2106 – Random ThoughtsMy Profile

    1. I know, she does doesn’t she? This was at my 21st birthday party in March and she was in hospital and then a hospice in June. Hard to believe how quickly she went downhill. She was in remission and then it just came back with a vengeance and she woke up one day unable to move her legs and paralysed from the waist down – literally overnight. And then we found out it was in her bones and she was just riddled with it. Super sad.

      Isn’t it funny how lack of fitness, a few weeks/months of lazy eating and stress can contribute to the spiral so much.

  2. My mum’s been gone 23 years now, which seems so long ago, but not a day goes by when I don’t wish she was here.
    As for taking stock, yes. We need to do it. When things get out of control I turn into a cleaning freak. I throw out things that haven’t been used for three months, declutter, clean top to bottom, nothing can stand in my way. Then when I’m done, I feel much better. Wonder what a psychiatrists would think of this? lol
    JF Gibson @jfgibsonwriter recently posted…5 things I’ve learned in the past yearMy Profile

    1. I’m wondering what it is going to be like when it gets to the point that she has been gone longer than she was with me. That will be surreal.

  3. Oh Haidee, I share the same loss as you know and I see where you’re coming from. I used to have the tidiest house and did my cleaning each week- after mum died I just didn’t care. It’s taken years to get back into better habits rather than sporadic cleaning and throwing things in cupboards to look tidy. Sending hugs xx
    Amy @ Handbagmafia recently posted…Vaccination, Information & InterpretationMy Profile

  4. I am incredibly unhealthy at the moment and have some ‘health’ issues. It scares me to think I could die prematurely but I can’t seem to bring myself to make the changes I need to my lifestyle.

    My mother’s very calm about death, but she’s also religious. She thinks my fear of death is strange. I did listen to a podcast recently by a 1970s philosopher (a buddhist) who said we shouldn’t fear death because it’s essentially about going to sleep. We all love to sleep so think of it as closing our eyes and drifting away.

    I guess that helps…. but it’s the not being here I worry most about.
    Deborah recently posted…Author interview – A Time to Run by JM PeaceMy Profile

    1. Totally Jess. I have implemented some routines already that are helpful, like having my nightly wash while the kids are in the bath so I can just get up and go to bed later. Such a small thing but I used to put off going to bed cos I couldn’t be bothered having a wash and removing all my make-up!

  5. An easy meal plan for the week and get on top of all the washing and having your groceries home delivered helps me refocus and get back on track. Once that has me feeling back in control, I then write a huge list of everything I want to sort out and aim to get at least one done a day for a week. Even if it’s stuff like ‘clean out pantry’ or ‘take that pile of stuff that no longer fits to the Salvation Army’. Make it achievable though or you’ll be frustrated in no time and feel even more frazzled and out of control. Take some time for you too!
    Emma @ Life, kids and a glass of red recently posted…The dreaded dinner timeMy Profile

    1. I LOVE having my groceries delivered! And yes, tons of washing piled up is distracting. Especially when the weather is forecast as rubbish for days. And I totally agree on the making it achievable thing, if it’s too much at once it feels impossible and I’m more likely to give up the idea completely.

  6. Someone once told me that when life feels chaotic, clear out your wallet. Then your handbag. Then your bedroom. Then your living room and so on. Start small. I go for a run.
    Have you looked into whether there’s a bulk ordering co-op near you? I can avoid going to the supermarket altogether, if I stock up at farmers market weekly, and bulk buying every month.
    Zanni Louise recently posted…The funny little familyMy Profile

    1. That’s a really good way to do it (wallet/hand bag etc). In fact, I haven’t cleaned those out in months! I wonder if I can stop at that? 😉 The lounge is my aim this weekend, the kids knocked down a shelf on a bookshelf hidden behind my couch so though you can’t SEE the mess, I know it is there and there is stuff EVERYWHERE. There is also a cot to sell, as is there a play pen! I need a round tuit.
      Haidee recently posted…A Tale Of Two Uffy’sMy Profile

    1. Oh totally, I went to bed earlier last night and I feel so much better today! Such a small thing but so hard to do (mostly because I get such a small window of ‘me time’ that I don’t want it to end for something so boring as sleeping! Haha). Off to check out your blog!

  7. I’m so sorry that you don’t have your Mum, she looks lovely in the photo. I lost my Dad 2.5 years ago and think about him everyday. Isn’t it funny that you wrote about needing a meal plan the same day I wrote about why I do them! I understand what you are going through – I feel that I’m totally disorganised at the moment (except for the meal plans) and mostly it’s because I go to bed way too late! We are moving house soon so I’m taking on a small task each day to declutter – I’ve got 10 weeks for it to be done! Sounds like you’ve got the start of a good plan to change your routine. x
    Vicki @ Boiled Eggs & Soldiers recently posted…My Top 5 Reasons for Meal Planning + helpful ways to stretch a meal furtherMy Profile

  8. I usually go on a mad decluttering session, especially in the kitchen and in my wardrobe. The cellar recently got a going over too. But like you mention, the space fills up again in no time.
    With the shopping, I try to do as little as possible every now and again so that I can use up the tins and packets in the cupboards. We then end up just buying some fruit and veg, eggs and yogurts and I manage to still make tasty meals. The cupboards get a cleaning and the following week I do a proper shop again. Often I get motivated to eat different foods then too as we sometimes get into a rut of spag bol, homemade pizza, homemade hamburgers, rice with turkey in cream sauce,…
    Fionnuala from
    Fionnuala recently posted…Invisible ParentingMy Profile

    1. That sounds like a really good idea, I might take your advice on that! And it is good to use up stuff so you can refresh the pantry and freezer every now and again. Not to mention I am sick to death of my cooking and the same meals ALL THE TIME. Wish I had a chef!

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